Tag: children

Wash and flush… it’s not always a good idea

“Have you washed your hands?!” “Have you flushed?!” Two questions that are constantly spouting from my mouth because nine times out of ten she hasn’t done either of these things, and with the toilet being downstairs she hasn’t got far to go to rectify these things. (Even if it means all she’s doing is turning the tap…

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17 signs you’ve been watching WAY too much CBeebies

You become fascinated by some new knowledge you have gained from ‘Nina and the Neurons.’ You miss Sid. You wonder what on earth Katy has done to her hair THIS time! You begin sentences with, “You’ll never guess what happened on ‘Abney and Teal’ today!” You hear the theme music to Chugginton and say out…

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A day in the life of a sleep-deprived mum

05:30 Wake up after having been up with Oliver crying until 3am and begin worrying about my job interview this afternoon. 08:45 Hear elderly disabled neighbour shouting for help because water is pouring through the bathroom and kitchen ceiling of her one bedroom flat and her electricity has gone. 11:30 After dealing with landlords, the…

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God Vs Father Christmas

It’s the middle of February and Sophie is writing her Christmas list. I say ‘writing’ but what I actually mean is she’s ‘drawing’ her Christmas list. This isn’t because she can’t write – far from it, she actually keeps a diary and writes in it every day – but, drawing is a much quicker way…

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The Problem with Reward Certificates

“Mummy? Guess what I’ve got?” Sophie’s sing song voice calls from the front door. I’m in the kitchen feeding Oliver and can just imagine her cheeky smile and wide eyes, giving a sideways look as she says it. I reply as singsongy as her, “What is it?” Somehow I don’t quite get the pitch or…

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A Guide to Inspiring your Children’s Future Aspirations

“Mummy! Oliver’s leaking!”   We’re in the car on the way back from school. There’s no way of turning myself round to check on the little man who I’m certain is fine so I ask,”Is he leaking from his mouth or his eyes?”   “Mouth! Eurgh, it’s white!”   “Oh, it’s just a bit of…

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Our daughter, the drainpipe slayer

“Mummy, I bleeded Chardonnay.” Just like that she said it. Standing in the bright colourful corridor of her nursery, walls decorated with sunshine and rainbows dotted with sweet paintings made by the children and tiny photographs of each of the adorable pre schoolers all in a row showing whose peg was whose, stood my happy…

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How to clean your house… a lesson in priorities.

Morecaster. Middle of January. Miserable winter weather. I, Jenny Brown, am at home on a Wednesday evening, slumped on a cream, sagging sofa with felt tip marks scribbled on the arm rest and what I hope is chocolate smeared into the upholstery. I stare past my ghastly neon pink ‘Best Mum in the World’ slippers…

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